Upon the smooth concrete floor where the darkness has no end or beginning, dust and dirt from year's past gathers in the subtle approach of night. Your day is over, but mine has just begun. I step into the filthy surface, heels first onto the dirty floor. The transition from the comfort zone into the darkest future that I have ever known is now complete. A place so cold, so dirty, so foreboding that it makes men like me afraid to set foot in it. Three footsteps in and the door closes behind me as if preventing my escape, time to celebrate my life before it's too late. Every time I slowly step in, the sadness quickly dissipates. If I weren't feeling so unsure and insecure, maybe I wouldn't be in here tonight! Light switch on the wall, I quickly turn on in a panic as the comfort begins to elevate. Suddenly things aren't so bad, because I'm in a familiar place again. The darkness in the garage represents my fear of the future I won't survive to see. Might as well party on until I can abandon reality. The absence of two cars makes enough room for me to pull a table and a chair into my favorite demonic lair.
As I plug my radio into the only outlet in the wall, I consider my indolence in the enclosed abyss to be the only escape from the prison walls and limitations I created for myself. I am a prisoner of my obsessive compulsive fears. The same fears that keep me up at night, the same fears that see the darkness in the light, the same fears that dwell in the young minds of children and turn them into adult train wrecks like me. The only thing that justifies the fear, is the prison in the garage. If I didn't need to run away, the garage would be useless to me. In a way, we all need an escape; something to take us far away. Most of us are intelligent and bold enough to face the demons, but broken men like me seek refuge in rundown places, seeing them as earthly safe havens to heaven. Nirvana cannot be found, but it can be created by those who are bold enough to imagine a world that defies misery and rewards the desire for inner peace. For me, the garage is such a place; it inspires me to detach from the world and live the life that isn't possible by worldly standards. A place and a time that inspires you to reflect, reminisce, plan, relax and remain detached from your major stressors is a time and a place which makes you a god/goddess in a world of mortals. You are untouchable and in harmony with yourself because you are choosing rejuvenation over suffering. No one has the emotional, psychological or physical strength to fight their way through life without a "soul break" as I like to call it. If you go too hard for too long, your will power will be crushed and so will you.
In that moment when I have the radio on in the garage, I've got my hookah going and I'm smoking a cigarette, I know that I am home because I know that I am free from the mental slavery that tells me I must suffer to find freedom and real happiness. I often find that in this environment, I can actually enjoy eating, drinking, smoking and being by myself. My fear of the future does not exist here, because in the garage the future doesn't matter. The way my hookah so sublimely fits into the scenery, the way the cigarette and cigar smoke tastes and smells in there is amazing! I usually love sporting my Coor's Light hat while I'm in the garage too. The way the light shines through the only window in the garage completes the picture of serenity for me. Here in the garage, I am my own man and no one else's. I come out of the garage feeling renewed and ready to take on the world. I really enjoy and appreciate my time in there, as it is truly a wonderful place. No one bothers me while I'm smoking and rocking out to some kilo. It is a fantasy come true, where my imagination is allowed to run wild.
No comments:
Post a Comment